Guard your joy conscientiously

The mind is a mine field. In fact as my sister put when we were brain storming about this article, depression is never far from you. It is like a shadow waiting to pounce on you at any moment. You have to decide and tell depression “you’re not gonna get me, you’re not going to get me, never gonna get me!” and you keep moving forward.

Happiness is inward driven. Ok I’ll quit the psychological mumbo jumbo. Happiness is something you decide you are going to have and keep. “Are you a happy person” is very different from “are you happy”? An incident, a triumph, a result may make you ecstatic for a moment. But it is not enough to sustain your perpetual happiness. The feeling of ecstasy will wear off and then what?

Some terrible thing will happen to make you feel sad. It would really weigh you down and may go on for a while. You may be worried, seeking a solution to a problem. It may even be something irreversible like the death of a loved one. It may be the loss of your job. The dividing line between being sad about an issue and being a sad person is so thin.

Sure you are worried, sure you are upset, certainly you are desperately seeking a solution, but what kind of person are you during this period. This is the true test of your nature. Do you let this matter turn you into a grump, a grouch who takes out every frustration on everyone around you? You have the power to decide between these two options. Who are you going to be?

You have to decide to be joyful and guard your joy jealously. Something or someone is always lucking around waiting to snatch it from you. So guard it jealously. Life is truly a roller coaster ride. There will always be ups and downs along the way. As a child I used to think all my troubles would be gone by the time I turn fifty. I imagined I would have learnt the trick to life, earned all the money I’ll ever need and would certainly have acquired all the wisdom required to figure it all out and ensure all hurdles disappear. It’s not looking that way now and God help me I’m closer to fifty than most. I still haven’t learnt the magic that will ensure I never again run into a quagmire. Stuff will happen. Just when you think you had it made something or someone will mess up badly and it will affect you, even when you have done your part to perfection. What then? Do you become the basket case everyone avoids or do you cry a little, and then seek out a solution while retaining your positive demeanour?

A lot of things are outside our control. But this one thing we can determine. How we feel. It is really hard not to be angry, upset and disappointed when issues come rushing at you in various degrees. On the short term, we will react, and badly too sometimes. After all we are human. But on the long run, we must literally pick up ourselves by our shoe straps and start again.

A colleague pointed out to me several years ago that I get moody and take it out on others. I was amazed. I thought I was the jolly one and that when I get bothered I just keep to myself until I get over it. “That is exactly my point” she said. “You get moody, you don’t talk and you’re no longer your jolly self. At such times I have to watch myself and tip toe around you until I get the green signal that says everything is fine now and it’s ok to talk and laugh.”

I was truly amazed. I didn’t even realise that my attitude could affect anyone that much. I shared an office with her at the time and we used to keep each other company with little chit chat as the day went by. Work can sometimes get monotonous so our camaraderie was really important to her. “Mums can’t afford to be moody” she said. “What would you do when your little one comes into the room needing attention, food, school, has a fever, anything? You have got to lay down all your cares and go attend to this helpless human being who totally depends on you.”
That was my wakeup call right there.

I am not suggesting you bottle up all your emotions and pile it all up until you blow up. All I am saying is take out that issue, hold it up to the light, examine it critically, and determine how you feel about it. Then go ahead and feel that way. But determine not to let it take you over. Determine not to allow it to change your entire outlook on life.

There I was minding my own business one day walking down the street with my head held high determined to have some me time in spite of all the stress, when along came this car and splashed an obscene amount of yucky water all over me. This was really bad. I was drenched. People get tickets and even fail their driving test for that kind of behaviour! I know what I would do to that fellow if only I could track him down. It really burst my bubble. I walked back home amidst friends and family feeling sorry for me and I could barely see through tearful eye. Well I got home I took a shower and began applying my make up all over again. I remember my best girl once told me that when she gets upset she sits in front of the mirror and puts her make up on, no matter what time of the day, whether she was on her way out or not. She swore by the time she finished she would have gotten over the feeling of depression. So, that’s what I did. By the time I was done making up and finding an alternative dress I felt a whole lot better. I was really late for the soirée but I sure did make an entrance.

When a loved one hurts us, it can really get us down. When we get our hearts broken we feel the world is about to end. And we may be right. That may well be the end of life as we know it particularly if it precipitates the end a cherished relationship. But it need not be the end of our joy. The trouble with emotional pain is that they have this nasty habit of lingering. One way I have learnt to deal with this is to allow myself that period of grief. I don’t try to wish it away or pretend everything is dandy and I don’t feel upset or that I’m just glad it’s over. I let myself feel sorry but decide how deeply and for how long. I won’t give anyone infinite power over me. Only God has that kind of power. So I determine just how much of the rest of my life I am going to give this person and move on to a next phase. After a suitable period of mourning a new glorious me emerges, much more beautiful and stronger than ever.

I have a mantra for long drawn out persistent problems that are pervasive and far reaching. Such problems include losing your job and being out of work, being married to a nasty person, having a problematic boss or running into a business hiccup. Solutions to such matters may not be readily available. But my mantra is “This too will pass”. I know that such issues stay with us almost all day but there will be, at least, a little moment in the day when you return home from work and you are away from that nasty boss, when you are at work and away from that awful spouse. Night comes, and I can take a break from pounding the pavement. At that moment I will exhale and be happy. I will consciously find something in this life of mine worth being thankful for. I will smile to myself. That’s my moment when I can just enjoy being me. Hassle free.

You don’t have to do exactly what I do. For instance, not everyone puts on makeup, but you can watch a sport you like or a movie may work better for you. My point is, find your ‘healthy’ happy place during those sad moments and go there. My friend KB says singing a song works magic for her! You can try it too. What’s your happy song? PHM

Keeping It Real with a Hug and a Kiss

Every relationship is premised on the need for communion. You know..... unity, spiritual union, empathy, close association, relationship.....Ok you get it now. The trouble is that it is so easy to lose sight of the basis for every relationship. We get used to each other and begin to take each other for granted. We just assume the one knows how the other feels and is assured of love. So why bother to express and reassure each other of this love and care?

The underlying fact is that women need to be assured and reassured and men need to feel appreciated and assured and reassured of that appreciation. The popular view is that only women need this reassurance. That’s incorrect. Men need to be reassured too. It’s just what they need to be reassured of that differs. Women need to be reassured that they are loved, men need to be reassured that they are getting it right. M. Gary Neuman was recently discussing a research he had carried out on why men cheat. He deduced that it’s all down to diminished communion. The thing is men may cheat when this happens, but women, will just call the lawyer.
There are a number of safeguards for your union that can help. They may sound really soppy but they are things that should come naturally and since they don’t we tend to take them for granted. Here are a few of them.

Greet your wife with a big smile every morning. Hug and kiss your wife every day before you leave home. Then do it all over again as soon as you get home. Sure you are in a hurry. You have a million and one things to do today. Oh, you have been worried all night about a massive issue and could not sleep. First thing in the morning as soon as your wife begins to rouse greet her with a big smile and a hug. I’m assuming you are glad to see she is still at your side and thankful that you have that one assurance. Good. So reassure her that today will be even better than yesterday and that you love her silly. So go ahead now. Give her your biggest smile and a hug. You can now jump out of bed and go get read for work.

This is the recipe for a sure start to a successful life. This little gesture, as simple as it is, gives the impetus needed to face the world. Our homes are the launch pad for a soaring flight in this world so what we leave our families with every morning, the strength we give or deny them determines how successful they will be.

Take One, twice daily
Men and women alike are guilty of thinking that since they have put food on the table and clothes on our back, whether by providing the money or actually cooking or sewing the clothes, they have done more than enough and that should give their spouse and children the foundation they need to thrive. In these trying times, more than ever before, the need to love and show love, to assure and reassure our families of our love is imperative. Studies have shown that those men who kiss their wives daily before going to work not only live longer, they also somehow manage to avoid the various heart diseases that plague us as we grow older. So doctor’s orders, give your wife and children a hug and kiss every morning, unfailingly, before you leave home. No matter how angry you are or how preoccupied you are, never leave home without a genuine hug and kiss, especially for your wife. Believe me, when you do that, every resentment fades away. Now if you are going to give a reluctant hug and kiss and make your wife feel like a nuisance just by requiring a hug and a kiss, you might as well not bother. Body language and the intention of our hearts matter. Resentment is the substance of divorces toyed with. Unless you are planning a lifetime of joylessness, start loving and showing love.

Let me tell you about my friend Michael. Michael is a hardworking successful banker in one of the topmost banks. He is a good provider; in fact his wife and kids are getting ready to go to Disney land in Florida as we speak. As he jumped out of bed this morning, he had a lot on his mind. Very important things. He had a management meeting and a string of other meetings with various clients and a good number of phone calls to make. Then, there this that knotty issue of an urgently needed loan for a cherished client that the banks is reluctant to grant.

Things were hectic enough without his driver going off to attend to his wife who was in labour. Michael had to drive his family to the airport before going off to work. It’s not a problem, just a nuisance getting involved in the domesticity of kids and wife and their travel arrangements. He didn’t need that, he was just too busy. “Get up” Kemi, he yells from the bathroom, “get the kids ready. Quick.” Marching orders are on Kemi thinks. This is going to be one of those days when you get no joy out of him. She had everything under control so why the yelling? She got their two lovely daughters bathed and dressed in 15 minutes flat and had them eating their cereal when she dived into the bathroom. In another 15 minutes she was ready to leave the house. Bravo she thought. This should cheer him up.

“I’ve made three different types of soup and packed them in daily portions. They are in the deep freezer. You won’t need to eat rice everyday” she smiled. He did not answer or return her smile. He is too busy to smile or make small talk she thought.
“Hurry up” he snaps at the kids. Their “good morning, dad” was met with a sour grunt. He began to lug the suitcases into the saloon car.
“I thought we were taking the Sienna his wife says, “they won’t fit in the saloon.”
“No” he snaps, “I can’t drive that thing around all day long and I won’t have time to get back home to change cars before heading to work.” After trying for ten minutes to manoeuvre the cases he turns to the Sienna. They have now lost 10 precious minutes. It’s all her fault. Why did she have to pack so much? He carried on for a while. She knows when to stay quiet. He stays glum until they get to the airport. He pulls into the kerb jumps out and dumps all suitcases onto the nearest trolley. Kemi tries to give him a hug and the girls stand waiting too. “Common woman, I’m too busy for that.” He gets in the car and doesn’t look back as the girls stand waiving. “What a sad scene”, thought his wife.
As he drives away, his colleague, Juma’i called to confirm the time for the management meeting. “Hello love,” he says cheerfully, “did you have a restful night? We have a long day ahead.”
“Yes, thanks.” Jumai answered. “My husband helped me massage my feet last night. I didn’t know I had been standing for so long making the presentation. They were hurting badly by the time I got home. I’m doing great today and ready to go.”
Michael hears the sound of a kiss in the background and a muffled “goodbye darling, have a lovely day” as Jumai’s husband Solomon leaves for work.
“My regards to your hubby” Michael says to Jumai.
“Will do,” she replies cheerfully “my love to Kemi and the girls. They are off to Florida today I believe. You’ll miss them. See you at work.”

He hung up thoughtfully. The picture of his girls at the airport waiting for a hug and kiss flashed before him. He didn’t remember giving them any. Or maybe he just didn’t want to remember ignoring them. His wife also tried to give him a hug. It will be three weeks before he gets a chance to feel her comforting embrace. Suddenly he missed her.

(To cut the long story short, we have decided to keep the rest our new website coming soon. But look out the concluding part of this heart tugging story will be up right here next month.)

YOU ARE NOT STUCK!!!

I’ve met quite a number of successful people who told me that the only “BUT” in their lives is their marriage. These are people who evidently fear God and definitely will want to patch things until Jesus comes back. What they are saying is “HELP I AM STUCK”. They have refused to face the problem and they now see marriage as an indispensable evil. Marriage is not an essential evil, it is ordained of God.

President OBAMA a child born to a single mother, raised by his grandmother, rose to be the President of the United State of America simply because he believes you can change the situation that brings unhappiness and dissatisfaction and that nothing has to remain the way it is if you do not want it that way.
God decided to give us a sound mind so that we can stop disturbing heaven about matters our minds could probably solve.

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”. 2Tim. 1:7

You can solve that problem only if you can look inward. You might even be the problem. Have you ever seen a mouse caught in a trap? It is so desperate to get away and in its bid to break out gets hurt so badly it dies there. All the mouse cries for is help because it is stuck. Each time you say I’m stuck in your mind, you are as helpless as the trapped mouse and so you just give up on yourself. Every effort you put toward making your home a sweet one is worth it. It will yield profit.

In all labour there is profit: but the talk of the lips [tendeth] only to penury. Proverbs 14:23

You weaken your mind so much, you begin to think of odd things and act in odd ways that you hurt yourself the more when you begin to feel trapped. When you see your marriage as a trap you begin to make a lot of wrong moves which eventually hurt your marriage the more. Do new things to have new result. Change your thinking pattern.
I have a good idea to share with you. The escape route is not in any other person or any other place. It is right within you. Look inward and you will find a break out route in there. You are the primary focus in every issue of your life. If you do not move, nothing moves. Any thing you do not do for yourself nobody does for you. At best, people will help you when you have already initiated something. You must get determine to change the situation around your life and marriage. God is also waiting to help you if you’re interested in change.

You have presented your spouse as lazy, dirty, mean, harsh, unromantic, assuming, nonchalant, daring etc. We are tired of all these. Take charge of your life and your marriage. Joy in life and marriage is purchasable if you can pay the price. Sow a seed of love today and you will reap love. Forget what happen in the past and move on to a clean slate. YOU ARE NOT STUCK!!!

Funke Akindele Speaks to Perfect Harmony

Funke Akindele needs no introduction now having conquered the Nigerian Movie scene and made her presence felt through the phenomenal success of her movie ‘Jenifa’ and other works. In spite of her success and fame, we found her warm, down to earth and fun to be around. We are glad to present a glimpse at the lady everyone would love to spend an afternoon with.

Perfect Harmony Magazine: How would you describe yourself?

Funke Akindele: I am down to earth, totally unpretentious. I am a goal getter but also a stylish person. Most important, is the fact that I am a devout Christian.

PHM: When did you start acting? Have you always had a love for the dramatic arts or did something or someone influence you along the way?

Funke Akindele: 1996, I appeared first in a movie titled “Naked Wire”. It was produced by Opa Williams. My major role debut was in a serial drama on teenage reproductive health titled “I Need To Know”. It was sponsored by UNFPA. For me, acting had been a childhood dream.

PHM: One may be tempted to think your success came over night with the “Jenifa”. However we know it doesn’t happen that way. At what point did you begin to consider yourself successful in your chosen field?

Funke Akindele: I began to feel that I was succeeding when I produced my first movie titled “Ojo Ketala” in 2004

PHM: What price have you had to pay to attain succeed? Did you meet with any discouragement or encouragement from friends and family?

Funke Akindele: My family encouraged me all the way, especially my mum. To the glory of God I had no price to pay because God has always been with me.

PHM: What part have you enjoyed playing the most?

Funke Akindele: I am a professional to the core and as one, I shouldn’t limit myself to a particular role. I have tremendously enjoyed playing the roles I have had the opportunity to play.

PHM: What part has been your most challenging?

Funke Akindele: Till date, I am yet to find one so challenging. It has been a lot of fun playing these roles.

PHM: Most of your movies are in Yoruba, is this mere coincidence or do you find that your creative juice flows better and your message more potent when expressed in this language?

Funke Akindele: I am familiar with the Yoruba market trend but I hope to produce an English movie soon by Gods grace.

PHM: What other languages do you speak?

Funke Akindele: I speak English and Yoruba but I am learning French.

PHM: Are you from Aiyetoro? Do you have any relationship with this town which, thanks to you, is now squarely on the Nigerian cultural map?

Funke Akindele: No! I am from Ikorodu L.G.A.

PHM: What new doors have been opened to you since your recent success?

Funke Akindele: They are too numerous to count and I’m grateful to God.

PHM: Amongst Nigerians at home and in Diaspora, I dare say your popularity is only rivalled by that of Obama. How does that make you feel?

Funke Akindele: I feel truly honoured and I give all the glory to God.

PHM: Do you feel a weight of responsibility to live up to this role of being a model for young people to look up to?

Funke Akindele: Yes, I really do. And I pray to God for the grace to sustain and retain it.

PHM: What is your founding philosophy, what are your core values?

Funke Akindele: I have learnt never to rely on my own understanding. I detest liars, cheats and pretentious people. I believe I am also a highly principled individual.

PHM: Who would you consider most influential in your career success?

Funke Akindele: I can readily think of Joke Sylva, Kate Henshaw and Bukky Wright. They have been of great influence.

PHM: Your work has distinct undertones of social responsibility and volunteerism, are these principles you hold dear?

Funke Akindele: Yes! I believe in impacting peoples lives.

PHM: Do you commit a lot of time, skills and other resources to these?

Funke Akindele: Do I have a choice? It’s my calling and God given talent, of which I shall account. So I have to commit every available resource to it. By God’s grace I will leave a lasting legacy that will make radical changes in the lives of generations to come.

PHM: What avenues or organizations do you use to express your concern for humanity?

Funke Akindele: Plans are in top gear towards achieving this aim. I’ll certainly let you know as soon as I’m ready on this pet project that is dear to my heart.

PHM: You are fast becoming a style icon. That hot little number you spotted in the party scene in “Jenifa” was fantastic especially what you returned from the police station the next morning. Those legs were to die for. Where do you get your good looks, your mum or your dad?

Funke Akindele: Sincerely, from my mum. I’m also in touch with latest fashion trends via the internet and the media.

PHM: Is there any part of your body you wish were different?

Funke Akindele: No! I’m grateful to God for the splendid body He has given me.

PHM: Would you indulge in plastic surgery to alter anything?

Funke Akindele: God forbid! I wouldn’t change a thing.

PHM: What are your favourite outfits and accessories?

Funke Akindele: I’m most comfortable in jeans except on special occasions.

PHM: What is your favourite shopping destination and do you have a favourite designer?

Funke Akindele: I do most of my shopping abroad. I’m not a designer freak but make the effort to buy what suits my style. I have my own distinct style and I am not easily swayed.

PHM: How do you relax or ease tension?

Funke Akindele: I love to relax by simply spending time with my family. The best things in life are free. The love of my family is a great joy to me.

PHM: Who would you say is most influential in making you the woman you are today?

Funke Akindele: My mum has had the greatest influence in my life. I would not be the woman I am today without her strength, influence and support.

Look out for the Full Interview on our new look site this quater.

MONEY AND MARRIAGE (PART 1)

It was a beautiful Monday morning, I was just about to get into my car for my journey to work when my phone rang and on the other side was my friend. “I am leaving this woman today; in fact I am tired. Money! Money!! Money!!! Will I kill myself?!” “Ladun, can we discuss this over launch break?” I said. Looking at the rate of divorce in our society today, we find out that 80% of it is caused by or revolves round money. It is time we shed more light on this issue within marriages and homes.

The issue of money is a controversial matter that I in particular don’t like discussing, either with a single person or with a couple. Money itself is an instrument of payment for the value of a service rendered or an object purchased. Money is the major means of catering for our everyday needs and it is capable of meeting virtually all physical needs. The Scriptures say in Proverbs that money is a defence. I believe one major reason couples get divorced is disagreement over financial matters, though it is very difficult to believe until you begins to feel the financial tension in the home. In most cases, the conflict may not appear to be directly about money but a closer look would reveal that the fight is about priorities, dreams, values and trust which all depend on finances. The way individual views money depends on his/her foundation and faith; we are cautioned in the Bible about our attitude towards money.

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.1Tim. 6:10 (NIV)

Money in marriage is no longer owned by one individual. Whatever God has joined together money should not put apart. Whatever the man (husband) earns belongs to the woman (wife). The same is applicable to the wife because they became one flesh by marriage.

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matt.19:4-6,

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband. Eph 5:29-33(NIV)

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Gen. 2:24(NIV)

These words of wisdom and knowledge indicate that true love and relationship should stay alive between two people. Jesus Christ and the Church cannot be separated. He is determined to build His church, lay down his life, protect and cherished her (The Church) and so should it be between a man and a woman who have chose to go on the journey of marriage. A decision to marry is one that should be approached with caution, just as giving your life to Christ on the day of salvation.

In marriage, your financial policy or principle is entirely different from when you were not married. Your order of priority in terms of needs would change because there are new financial demands. Apart from providing for two instead of one, there are other matters like extended family issues and debts. Money in marriage should no longer be “yours or mine” but it should be “OURS”. If there are debts on both sides, it shouldn’t be a hindrance.

Honesty and trust should be your watch dog. Financial success in marriage demand honesty and total trust between the two.

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.1Cor. 13:7NIV

There should be no lies about income and expenses.

Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds Col 3:9NIV

Withholding of spending information should be discouraged, a shared bank account and cheque book encourages mutual trust and remove doubt.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Gen. 2:24NIV

Money should not dictate one’s readiness for the institution of marriage. Marriage is a gift from God. The man must graduate from the level of a boy to full adult, be responsible, and take charge of his destiny, just like Adam, Isaac and Jacob. Adam was dressing the Garden of Eden daily before God found him qualified for a help mate meet for him. You need to have a vision and direction though that does not determine your riches in life, but it is the base that you will build on. “A lazy man is not suppose to eat” God gives you the power to get wealth and you must utilise that power. You must understand that marriage is finding favour with God and that God is the provider of all your needs. Silver and gold belong to God, it is His desire that you prosper, and Divine provision is your birth right.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:19. NIV

Any of the two earn more than the other, there is no sin in that. Wife, respect your husband and husband, love your wife.

In conclusion, if money is rightly handled and managed in a marriage, it will act as a lubricant to the overall success of the marriage. However if it is mishandled and mismanaged, it will wreck the home and could be the root of a broken marriage

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 1Tim.6:10.NIV

Victor Olukunle

A Family That Prays

A Family that prays together stays together. Happy families don’t just happen. Like everything else in life we have to diligently work at it.

Everyone knows prayer is the only way to make any sense on this world. Ok maybe not everyone but at least you do. And so does MC Hammer who says “we need to pray just make it a day, I say we pray, Oh Yeah, we pray”. Excuse the paraphrase.

“I fear John Knox’s prayers more than an army of ten thousand.”
- Mary, Queen of Scots

Those who fight on their knees have got victory in the spirit. Man is body, soul and spirit. That is what sets us apart from other beings. Whatever affects us affects our body, soul and spirit. What affects our body is a mere symptom of the real issue. The real issues are rooted in our spirit. That is why doctors advice you to be maintain a cheerful disposition when ill because that will help you get well quicker. So don’t treat the symptom, treat the root cause. The only way to do that is through prayer.

We haven’t got that much knowledge or power to deal with all that happen in our lives, so we need to pray. For example, you can only be in one place at any given time. What happens elsewhere, no matter how much it affects you, is beyond your power. Most incidents are well out of your sphere of influence. You can’t make sure your child doesn’t fall off the swing at kindergarten while you are at work. You leave that to God and hope everything goes well. The fact, if you will be true to yourself, is that you actually pray that all goes well.
So you may as well admit it. Prayer is the key to peace of mind and success in life. Every religion has a prayer element to it. Mary Queen of Scot is noted for saying “I fear John Knox’s prayers more than an army of ten thousand.” Even those who don’t pray know that prayer works. You will do well not to ignore this.

Now that we are all agreed on that principle, let’s consider the importance of communal prayer. Is it really necessary to involve your family in prayer? After all you can pray for them yourself, cant you?
Prayer brings every participant together in agreement. You can’t be upset with someone when you are praying with them. Communal prayer helps to bring you closer and harmonizes your family. When you all pray together you have a chance to communicate. That chance may not be there when you are rushing around doing your own thing, barely speaking or listening to each other. Teenagers have perfected the art of ignoring parents and barely getting involved with their siblings. But when you sit or kneel together in communal prayer, all other activities cease. No matter how much their minds wonder, when it’s their turn to pray they will focus on the need of each individual in the group. As with everything else with children, keep it short and sharp.

Practice makes perfect. The more you do it the more they get used to it, the better you all get. It lays as solid foundation for your children to draw from when faced with peer pressure and other issues of life. Whatever religion you practise, your children are learning from you. What do mum and dad do every day. What do they do in a time or crisis? How do they resolve knotty issues? Your children are watching. ( Watch out for the full jist in the next edition of Perfect Harmony Magazine coming soon)

Easy MAKE UP to JAZZ up your looks

Reinventing yourself is a great way to infuse some excitement into your daily life. You don’t have to splash out on a whole new wardrobe. A simple thing like changing your style of Make Up can really work wonders.

I always like to start with a great foundation and loose powder. Take a good look at your complexion and make sure you have the right shade for your skin tone.
Simply changing the shade of your lipstick can make a dramatic change to your looks.

I love the berry shades. You can choose from Mary Kay’s Fig Tree or good old Magenta from Island Beauty. Earth tones are great, but if you don’t have the time for a full on make up every morning, try a good press powder with some dramatic lipstick. But be sure to keep it within the lines of your lips. No smudges or lipstick on the teeth either.





This is quite some lady. Very busy mother, but she is never too busy to take good care of herself. What’s your excuse?

Au Naturel – I love this look. When painstakingly done you look understated yet well done up. Well even if you’re not getting married this season, bring out the brand new you with lovely gold and bronze tones. They work well under the arch of your brow and as highlights for your shadow. Try the earth tones of the Shimmer Cubes from Body Shop or Amber Blaze or Chocolate Kiss from Mary Kay.

For a more sultry night look, add a touch of dark colour to your C zone. That’s the outer corners of your eyes.



The eyes are the window to your soul. They say everything you mean to say and things you want to leave unsaid. The "Au Naturel" look works on anyone. It is subtle yet brilliant and exciting, youthful yet sophisticated. It says "Hey the sky is grey and the year uncertain but I'm kicking it. Would you like to join me!"