It was a beautiful Monday morning, I was just about to get into my car for my journey to work when my phone rang and on the other side was my friend. “I am leaving this woman today; in fact I am tired. Money! Money!! Money!!! Will I kill myself?!” “Ladun, can we discuss this over launch break?” I said. Looking at the rate of divorce in our society today, we find out that 80% of it is caused by or revolves round money. It is time we shed more light on this issue within marriages and homes.
The issue of money is a controversial matter that I in particular don’t like discussing, either with a single person or with a couple. Money itself is an instrument of payment for the value of a service rendered or an object purchased. Money is the major means of catering for our everyday needs and it is capable of meeting virtually all physical needs. The Scriptures say in Proverbs that money is a defence. I believe one major reason couples get divorced is disagreement over financial matters, though it is very difficult to believe until you begins to feel the financial tension in the home. In most cases, the conflict may not appear to be directly about money but a closer look would reveal that the fight is about priorities, dreams, values and trust which all depend on finances. The way individual views money depends on his/her foundation and faith; we are cautioned in the Bible about our attitude towards money.
For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.1Tim. 6:10 (NIV)
Money in marriage is no longer owned by one individual. Whatever God has joined together money should not put apart. Whatever the man (husband) earns belongs to the woman (wife). The same is applicable to the wife because they became one flesh by marriage.
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matt.19:4-6,
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband. Eph 5:29-33(NIV)
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Gen. 2:24(NIV)
These words of wisdom and knowledge indicate that true love and relationship should stay alive between two people. Jesus Christ and the Church cannot be separated. He is determined to build His church, lay down his life, protect and cherished her (The Church) and so should it be between a man and a woman who have chose to go on the journey of marriage. A decision to marry is one that should be approached with caution, just as giving your life to Christ on the day of salvation.
In marriage, your financial policy or principle is entirely different from when you were not married. Your order of priority in terms of needs would change because there are new financial demands. Apart from providing for two instead of one, there are other matters like extended family issues and debts. Money in marriage should no longer be “yours or mine” but it should be “OURS”. If there are debts on both sides, it shouldn’t be a hindrance.
Honesty and trust should be your watch dog. Financial success in marriage demand honesty and total trust between the two.
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.1Cor. 13:7NIV
There should be no lies about income and expenses.
Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds Col 3:9NIV
Withholding of spending information should be discouraged, a shared bank account and cheque book encourages mutual trust and remove doubt.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Gen. 2:24NIV
Money should not dictate one’s readiness for the institution of marriage. Marriage is a gift from God. The man must graduate from the level of a boy to full adult, be responsible, and take charge of his destiny, just like Adam, Isaac and Jacob. Adam was dressing the Garden of Eden daily before God found him qualified for a help mate meet for him. You need to have a vision and direction though that does not determine your riches in life, but it is the base that you will build on. “A lazy man is not suppose to eat” God gives you the power to get wealth and you must utilise that power. You must understand that marriage is finding favour with God and that God is the provider of all your needs. Silver and gold belong to God, it is His desire that you prosper, and Divine provision is your birth right.
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:19. NIV
Any of the two earn more than the other, there is no sin in that. Wife, respect your husband and husband, love your wife.
In conclusion, if money is rightly handled and managed in a marriage, it will act as a lubricant to the overall success of the marriage. However if it is mishandled and mismanaged, it will wreck the home and could be the root of a broken marriage
For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 1Tim.6:10.NIV
Victor Olukunle
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